This Piece of Our Being
Clearing the Ice, #3
by Robyn M. Ryan
Publication date: December 5th
2017
Genres: New Adult, Romance,
Sports
BLURB
She no longer believes that love
conquers all.
He questions his convictions.
Alone, each faces an uncertain
future.
Fate has other ideas.
Just as Fate placed their lives
on a collision course five years ago, Andrew and Caryn Chadwick’s paths cross
once again in Toronto after a four-month separation. Despite Andrew’s
assurances that he wants to repair their marriage, Caryn is wary, not certain
she can trust him, and struggles with doubts and questions about his
relationship with a member of his Rehab Team. Wracked with guilt, Andrew
questions his determination to return to the Tampa Suns hockey team, and he
seeks to convince Caryn their marriage will survive.
Fate intervenes with a gift at
the worst possible moment.
Caryn can hide this secret for
only a short time, but is Andrew capable of pushing his needs aside when he
discovers the truth? Can she risk her heart and soul once again? This Piece of
Our Being follows Andrew’s and Caryn’s journeys through a fragile
reconciliation. Both vow to place honesty at the center of their future. But,
will the secrets revealed heal their marriage or drive them further apart?
The conclusion to the Clearing
the Ice trilogy, This Piece of Our Being delivers Andrew and Caryn’s Happily
Ever After, but the path to reconciliation is rocky and missteps prove costly.
**Please note: For your best enjoyment please
be sure to read THIS OF MY HEART and THIS PIECE OF MY SOUL before this book.
Check your favorite ebook site for special offers on the first two books in the
series during THIS PIECE OF OUR BEING’s preorder period.**
Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo
PRE-ORDER
SPECIAL—Just .99 through December 5 release
SPECIAL—Buy
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—
EXCERPT
PRELUDE:
On
her last day in Toronto, Caryn wandered around the university campus. She had
always loved summer on campus and happy memories crowded her mind. She stopped
for a strawberry cream frappuccino at the coffee shop where her study group had
met two-to-three evenings a week every school year. She smiled as she looked at
“their table” where some summer students sat, textbooks open, chatting and
taking notes on their devices. The tradition continues.
Caryn
walked to the large grassy area, her favorite section of the campus. The sun
felt delicious on her face, and she looked for a spot to sit. She leaned her
head back and allowed a smile to spread across her face. I’m having a baby!
Just for this moment, this very second, I’m happy. No worries about the future.
No what-ifs. No second-guessing. I’m having a baby, and I am ecstatic!
She
pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top. In that moment, she
could imagine celebrating the moment with Drew. She closed her eyes and
imagined him laughing as he lifted her off her feet and swung her around in a
circle, his blue eyes never leaving hers. A special romantic dinner poolside,
stars shining above the lanai. Holding hands as they ate, planning the future,
picking the bedroom they’d convert into the nursery, speculating whether the
crib would hold their son or daughter. And choosing names! So many to consider.
So many dreams. If only…
Caryn
brushed both hands across her face when she felt the tears. Of course, that’s
not my reality. Not now. And maybe never. She closed her eyes and took a deep
breath. You’re strong. No matter what happens, everything will work out. This
beautiful child will know love from both parents…even if we live separately.
She
sensed a presence beside her and began to scoot to her feet to stand and walk
away, but then she suddenly knew. “Why are you here? How did you know?”
Drew’s
voice was soft. “I didn’t. I just flew up with Tom. Dan told me to take some
time to recharge. Spend some time with my parents. Tom dropped me at the
townhouse just now. When I walked inside, I realized you were here.” She felt
him drop to the grass beside her. “I had a hunch I might find you somewhere on
campus.”
From
the corner of her eye, she could tell he was about to reach for her hand.
“Don’t,”
she begged softly. “Please.”
“Can
we talk?”
“I
can’t look at you right now.”
He
was silent for a moment. “Okay, how about this.” He shifted until they were
back-to-back. “Better?”
Caryn
nodded without speaking and pulled her knees back up against her chest. She
waited for Andrew to speak and heard him sigh.
“Are
you going to Tampa when you leave here?” His voice was soft.
“Probably.”
“Do
you think we could sit down and talk?”
“You
mean, like last time?” Caryn’s temper flared. “I’m not doing that again,
Andrew.”
“I
don’t want that either.” Andrew was quiet for a long moment. “I’m hoping we can
work things out. I understand if you don’t want to see or talk with me right
now. But, can we figure this—us—out sometime when we’re in the same city?”
“Do
you believe I had nothing to do with my father calling you?” Caryn challenged.
“None
of that matters, Caryn. Whether or not I ever play hockey again—it means
nothing if there’s no us. It’s taken me too long to figure that out. I want to
ask—make that beg—for the chance to talk with you. I’ve called Lauren, spoken
with Kelly and Terri. No one could—or would—tell me where you were.”
“Only
Lauren knows.”
“I
get that I’m not her favorite person at the moment.”
Caryn
bit back a short laugh. “You didn’t answer my question, Andrew. Do you believe
I told you the truth about my father? Or am I still guilty by default?”
“Could
I answer that face-to-face? I want to look you in the eyes.” He paused a moment.
“Is that possible?”
Caryn
sighed as she relaxed a bit, leaning back against him. “I can’t do this here.
Not in this place, this spot.”
“Then,
could you come with me to the townhouse? We can talk there. Please, Cary?”
Caryn
leaned her head back, resting it against his neck. She felt that if she looked
at him, she’d break, shatter into a million pieces. And if that happened, she
wasn’t sure she could put herself back together. “Andrew, do you honestly want
to work things out?” Her voice was a hoarse whisper. “Is it even possible?”
“Cary,
we can find a way to work things out. Trust me.”
She
shut her eyes against the hot tears that threatened and then pressed her face
against her hands. “Somehow ‘trust me’ is not especially reassuring, Drew.”
“Walk
with me? Just to the townhouse?”
Caryn
nodded, but still did not look at him. Andrew held out his hand as he stood,
and after a beat, Caryn stretched her hand toward his. He gently pulled her to
her feet and then grasped her hand securely when she started to pull away.
Caryn took a deep breath as she walked beside him, looking straight ahead as
they navigated the campus.
Caryn
concentrated on slow, steady, deep breaths, calming her nerves, trying to
process Andrew’s sudden appearance after so many weeks. In Toronto, of all
places, her refuge. She could not think beyond the next step, the next moment.
They
entered the townhouse silently, and Caryn’s gaze immediately focused on
Andrew’s luggage just inside the doorway.
“I’ll
take that over to my parents,” Andrew said. “Like I said, I didn’t know you
were here until I walked in.”
“Don’t
worry about it. I have a flight this evening.” Caryn headed for the stairs.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” As she passed the night table in the loft
bedroom, she grabbed a bottle of water and her saltines before stepping into
the bathroom. After she shut the door, she nibbled on a cracker and took a
drink of water, then looked at herself in the mirror. Besides the reddened eyes
that were slightly swollen, she appeared normal. Caryn splashed cold water on
her face and took a deep breath.
She
dropped the pack of saltines into her carry-on and zipped it shut. Everything
was packed and ready to go. She’d planned to strip the bed, but decided to
leave it alone. She took a moment to straighten the sheets and tuck the
comforter under the pillows. Drew can change it if he decides to stay. If not,
I’ll be back soon. She looked around a final time, then after taking a deep
breath, picked up her carry-on and walked reluctantly down the stairs.
#
Andrew
waited in the kitchen, staring out the window at the courtyard. Any other year,
we’d be here right now, home for the summer. Wonder if that’s why Caryn’s here?
Am I running her off by showing up today? Something else I fucked up? He heard
her footsteps on the stairs and returned to the living room in time to see her
set her carry-on bag near the door.
“You’re
not leaving because of me, Cary?”
She
shook her head. “I made the reservations last week. I completed my meetings and
I’m good to go.” She turned to face him then, and Andrew saw the wariness in
her amber eyes. Those eyes that enchanted him with their sparkle now looked
dull. Depression? Exhaustion? A breath caught in his chest when he realized her
eyes held no hope.
Caryn
walked to the side chair and sat down, and Andrew perched on the edge of the
sofa closest to her. He reached for her hand, his eyes asking permission, and
Caryn nodded. He closed his hand around hers, his thumb gently tracing circles
on the back of her hand. She met his gaze expectantly.
“I
love you, Cary. My feelings have never changed.”
“Why
say that now? Suddenly, you believe I did not ask anyone to call my father?”
Her eyes pierced his, not blinking.
He
leaned toward her. “I think I’ve always known…deep inside…that you’d never make
that call. I was too self-absorbed to admit it.”
Caryn
waved her free hand between them. “So all this, between us, was…?”
“Entirely
my fault—as Tom not so subtly pointed out to me.”
“What
did Tom say?”
“‘Fool,’
‘jerk,’ and ‘stupid’ were among the operative words. Plus ‘selfish,’
‘inconsiderate,’ and ‘idiot.’ That’s about the gist of it, minus the rather
blunt adjectives he used with each of those words.”
Caryn
tried to suppress a giggle. “Wish I could have heard it.”
“I’m
sure he’ll be glad to give you an instant replay.” Andrew smiled when he saw a
hint of sparkle return to her eyes. “All that aside, I was wrong in more ways
that I can count. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking for the chance to
make things right between us.”
Caryn’s
eyes filled with sudden tears, and she pulled back as he reached to touch her
cheek. She shook her head again when he started to speak and impatiently
brushed aside the tears that had escaped. “Andrew, how do we…?”
He
answered before she could finish the question. “Cary, all I know right now is
that I love you and I want to be with you. If you’ll give me the chance, we
will work everything out.”
#
Caryn
shut her eyes for a long moment, taking a deep breath to calm her emotions,
determined not to think beyond the present moment as her brain struggled to
process Andrew’s words. I want to believe that things can be different this
time, that what he says is possible. But what if…What if we can’t work things
out?
He
didn’t believe her last April, and his betrayal, his lack of trust, still
stung. Her stomach contracted suddenly and the nausea rose in her throat. She
stood abruptly, shaking her head at the question on his lips.
She
barely made it to the bathroom, the nausea getting the best of her as it had so
often over the weeks. She leaned weakly against the door as she stood, closing
her eyes until the dizziness passed. She splashed more cold water on her face
and filled a cup with water to rinse her mouth. She opened the door, Andrew
nearby, concern evident on his face.
“You
all right?”
Caryn
nodded, but didn’t speak as he led her to the kitchen table. Andrew pulled a
chair back for her to sit, then opened the refrigerator and grabbed the Coke he
hoped to find. He pulled a chair facing hers, opened the bottle, and handed it
to her.
“Thank
you,” she whispered before she took a sip. When she looked at him, the
apprehension was obvious in his eyes.
“Have
you been sick?”
“No,
I’m just overwhelmed. About everything.” She set the bottle on the table,
taking another deep breath. “There’s so much we need to discuss.”
“Stay
for a few days longer, Caryn. I’ll stay at my parents…we’ll have time to be
alone and talk, right here in Toronto—our true home. What better place to begin
to work things out?”
#
Andrew
waited for Caryn to respond. When she finally met his eyes, he read the
longing, the confusion, the anxiety, and the indecision in the eyes he knew so
well. The last thing he wanted to do was to add to the obvious stress she was
feeling. He tentatively reached out to brush his fingers against her forehead.
“Do you have to get back to Tampa?” He gave her an out.
“I’ve
put so much work off on Lauren.” Caryn’s voice was hesitant.
“I
can fly back to Tampa with you.”
She
shook her head. “No, you can’t.” Her voice was firm. “You need to spend time
with your parents…” Her voice trailed off and she looked away. “I really do
have work I need to complete for new clients.”
“Could
you possibly handle the work from here?” Andrew was careful not to push.
Caryn
looked at her hands. “I need time to process this. I wasn’t expecting to see
you, hear you say you believe me.”
“I
sense a ‘but’ coming.”
“Drew,
I believed in us. I never dreamed you’d give up on our love so easily. I trusted
you.” She blinked back the hot tears that threatened. “I convinced myself that
happiness is overrated.” She met his gaze evenly.
Andrew
closed his eyes briefly as he shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was raw
with emotion. “I have no right to ask you to trust me. I realize that.” He
gently brushed aside the single tear that escaped her eyes.
“You
said you needed to concentrate everything on your recovery. What changed?”
“I’ve
realized it doesn’t have to be a choice between one or the other. There’s room
for both. I needed to get my priorities straight.”
“I
pray every day that you will recover one hundred percent. I want you back on
the ice, playing with the Suns, just as strong as you were before.”
“Maybe
that doesn’t matter so much anymore.”
Caryn
held up her hand. “Don’t! Do not say that. Do not tell me it doesn’t matter,
that it’s been for nothing.” Her voice shook with anger. “If you don’t keep
working for your recovery…” She shook her head. “That would be the worst thing
of all.” She pushed back her chair to stand, but Andrew stood and grasped her
arms before she could walk away.
“What
do you want me to do?”
“Play
hockey again.”
“I’ll
do everything I can to make that happen, Caryn. There’s no guarantee.”
“I
want what we had before you were hurt.” She reached to touch his lips to
silence his protest. “I want us to be us again. And that includes your playing
hockey, hopefully a long time with the Suns.”
“There’s
no guarantee I’ll ever play again.” She met his eyes and he continued quietly.
“I still don’t pass that ImPACT baseline.” He shrugged. “I could think I’m
ready to play, but if I don’t pass that test…”
“You
will. Don’t start doubting yourself now.”
Andrew’s
smile was wry. “Now you sound like my brother.” He gently brushed the hair away
from her forehead. “So, in the meantime…where do we go from here? What do you
want me to do? What do you want to do?” Caryn hesitated, and he continued,
“Look, I know I’ve got a lot of work to do before I can expect you to trust me.
And I know I don’t deserve to ask…”
She
silenced him by putting her hand against his cheek. “Andrew, I can’t do this
again if things don’t work out.”
“What
could stop us from working through this?”
“I
might not be able to watch you play,” Caryn said quietly. “I still get
flashbacks of that night. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to watch you play
again.”
“Cary,
that will never be a problem,” he said. He didn’t remember much from the
accident that almost killed him, but she’d watched it all: his helmet flying
off, the puck striking his head at full force, him lying motionless on the ice,
the hours waiting to see if he’d survive surgery, the days spent wondering if
he’d ever wake up. “I promise I will understand.”
Caryn
was silent for several minutes, then reached for her Coke and took another sip.
“I’ve never doubted you’ll play hockey again.”
Andrew
laughed without humor. “I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked myself
what I would do if I couldn’t play hockey again. I know I was wrong to push you
aside.”
“Why
didn’t you call me or tell me?” Caryn’s eyes held his steadily. “I believed
what you’d said—that our marriage couldn’t continue until you totally
recovered.”
“I
convinced myself I didn’t want to risk hurting you any more than I had.”
Andrew’s eyes left hers for a moment as he searched for the right words. “I
knew I was wrong when I asked you to stay away…and then, I just watched you
walk away.” Andrew shook his head. “I hope someday you can forgive me.”
“I
already have.” Caryn reached to place her palm against his cheek. “There are a
lot of things we need to talk about, but not today. You need to spend time with
your parents. I need to get back to Tampa and take care of my clients. Think.
Process everything you’ve said today.”
“I’ll
be back in Tampa next week. Do you think we can start then?”
Andrew’s
hand covered hers as she looked at him, searching his face. She saw the pain of
regret mixed with a cautious optimism. She prayed she’d find the answer she
sought in the intensity of his blue eyes—the same eyes that had captured her
heart and had promised her a piece of his soul. A sensation rippled through her
chest…a flutter of hope? Am I willing to open my heart? Risk believing in our
future again? She smiled softly as she slipped her hand behind his neck and
urged his lips towards her. In the kiss, tender at first and then quickly
deepening, she found the answers.
There’s
truly only one response, one leap of faith to chance. She pulled back and met
his gaze before she stepped into the welcoming arms that closed securely around
her. She nodded against his chest, her voice barely a whisper. “Yes, I’d like
that, Drew…more than anything.”
Author Info
By
the time she was an eight-year-old tomboy growing up in the suburbs of Chicago,
Robyn M. Ryan definitely knew what she wanted to do when she grew up—play major
league baseball or write. She wrote throughout elementary and high school,
first composing novels featuring favorite TV and music personalities, and then
venturing into sports writing.
Attending
UGA’s journalism school launched her career in public relations, which included
an internship with the Atlanta Flames NHL hockey team. This Piece of My Heart,
a hockey romance, and the first book in Robyn’s hockey trilogy Clearing the Ice
was published May 2016. The second book in the series, This Piece of My Soul,
was published January, 2017, and the final book, This Piece of Our Soul
concludes the trilogy with a December, 2017 release.
Besides
writing, Robyn’s passions include following the New York Rangers, NASCAR, and
the Atlanta Braves; splitting time between homes in Atlanta and Palm Coast, and
visiting Paris as often as possible. Two brilliant Westies rule both homes.
As
do many writers, Robyn chooses to write using a pseudonym—hers is a combination
of her sons’ names, a contribution from her youngest nephew.
Author Links:
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